Advice for Geraldine on her Miscellaneous BirthdayStay in line. stay in step. People are afraid of someone who is not in step with them. It makes them look foolish t’ themselves for being in step. It might even cross their minds that they themselves are in the wrong step. Do not run nor cross the red line. If you go too far out in any direction, they will lose sight of you. They’ll feel threatened. thinking that they are not a part of something that they saw go past them, they’ll feel something’s going on up there that they don’t know about. Revenge will set in. They will start thinking of how t’ get rid of you. Act mannerly towards them. If you don’t, they will take it personal. As you come directly in contact face t’ face do not make it a secret of how much you need them. If they sense that you have no need for them, the first thing they will do is try t’ make you need them. If this doesn’t work, they will tell you of how much they don’t need you. If you do not show any sadness at a remark such as this, they will immediately tell other people of how much they don’t need you. Your name will begin t’ come up in circles where people gather to tell about all the people they don’t need. You will begin t’ get famous this way. This, though, will only get the people who you don’t need in the first place all the more madder. You will become a whole topic of conversation. ..Needless t’ say, these people who don’t need you will start hating themselves for needing t’ talk about you. Then you yourself will start hating yourself for causing so much hate. As you can see, it will all end in one great gunburst. Never trust a cop in a raincoat. When asked t’ define yourself exactly, say you are an exact mathematician. Do not say or do anything that he who standing in front of you watching cannot understand, he will feel you know something he
doesn’t. He will react with blinding speed and write your name down. Talk on his terms. If his terms are old-fashioned an’ you’ve passed that stage all the more easier t’ get back there. Say what he can understand clearly. Say it simple t’ keep your tongue out of your cheek. After he hears you, he can label you good or bad. Anyone will do. T’ some people, there is only good an’ bad. In any case, it will make him feel somewhat important. It is better t’ stay away from these people. Be careful of enthusiasm…it is all temporary an’ don’t let it sway you. When asked if you go t’ church, always answer yes, Never look at your shoes. When asked what you think of gene autry singing of hard rains gonna fall say that nobody can sing it as good as peter, paul and mary. At the mention of the president’s name, eat a pint of yogurt an’ go t’ sleep early…when asked if you’re a communist, sing america the beautiful in an italian accent. Beat up nearest street cleaner. If by any chance you’re caught naked in a parked car, quick turn the radio on full blast an’ pretend that you’re driving. Never leave the house without a jar of peanut butter. Do not wear matched socks. when asked to do 100 pushups always smoke a pound of deodorant beforehand. When asked if you’re a capitalist, rip open your shirt, sing buddy can you spare a dime with your right foot forward an’ proceed t’ chew up a dollar bill. Do not sign any dotted line. Do not fall in trap of criticizing people who do nothing else but criticize. Do NOT create anything. it will be misinterpreted. It will not change. It will follow you the rest of your life. When asked what you do for a living say you laugh for a living. Be suspicious of people who say that if you are not nice t’ them, they will commit suicide. When asked if you care about the world’s problems, look deeply into the eyes of he that asks you, he will not ask you again. When asked if you’ve spent time in jail, announce proudly that some of your best friends’ve asked you that. Beware of bathroom walls that’ve not been written on. When told t’ look at yourself…never look. When asked t’ give your real name…never give it.